"What Do I Know of Holy?"

My fellow readers, please forgive my lack of writing recently. Alas, here is my words of encouragement to you for today:

During the amount of time I have not been writing, God has been teaching me a whole lot. God has been stripping me down to the core and reminding me of just who I am recently. Here is one example:


The other day, I was in the car with my brother, and he was playing a new CD he got for Christmas. These lyrics caught my ear. (It's long so bear with me)

"I made You promises a thousand times. I tried to hear from heaven, but I talked the whole time. I think I made You too small. I never feared You at all, no. If You touched my face, would I know You? Looked into my eyes, could I be whole to You?
What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean? Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful? What do I know of holy?
I guess I thought that I had figured You out. I knew all the stories and I learned about how You were mighty to save - but those were only empty words on a page. Then I caught a glimps of who You might be, the slighest hint of You, brought me down to my knees.
What do I know of holy? What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame, and a God who gave life it's name? What do I know of holy of the one who the angels praise, all creation knows Your name on earth and heaven above? What do I know of this love?" -Addison Road

For so long, I had been taking God and belittling Him. I made God some fairy tail to me, took out the parts of the Bible I didn't want to listen to; the parts that challenged me to change, the parts of Jesus' anguish, the parts that kind of freak me out. I took God and made Him into just who I wanted Him to be.

If I wanted a friend, God would be a best friend.
If I wanted God to be comfort, that's who He was.

I made God all the time, just who I wanted to be. I have sat down so many times, sure of the fact I had figured God out, I knew each and every detial about Him. How wrong was I in my thinking? I kind of made God into this big forgiving God, made His forgiveness, my excuse for contining down the road I was going.

How true to earth is that song? I found myself humbled listening to that song. I honestly am not sure if God walked down the street, or looked me in the eye and talked to me if I would know who He was, cause I'm sure He is way more than I ever expected Him to be.

I know nothing of God's holiness. I cannot fathom Christ's death on the cross. I'm not always a fan of what God is asking me to do - why? - I should be.

I know all the stories and just the right words to say when someone asks a question to appear to be the "perfect little Christian". Infact, I have been told time and time again how strong I am in my faith, but that should not in any way stop me from continue to grow in that faith. There is always so much more to learn from God - the one who spoke the world into motion, created me, cares about each person, gave up His own son to die in my place, for something I do not deserve.

A sidenote on that, another thing that hit me, is how often I look at the cross without looking at it in detail. The God of the universe, who for no reason had to, CHOOSE to give up His only son to come and die for me. And that same Son, took all of the mess of me and put it onto Him, so that one day I could be with God in heaven. I do not deserve that. I am way too sinful to deserve to ever be able to be in a relationship with God, I've messed up so many times, but yet He looks at me and says I'm FORGIVEN, for not just a couple things, but for EVERYTHING I have ever done and EVERYTHING I am going to do in the future. If I don't look at Him and thank Him time and time again for that, I am missing out on what a blessing that truely is.

God is so much more than anything we can fathom. I know for sure my mind can't wrap around God. :) So, I want to challenge you today, to sit back, remember just who Christ is, and be in awe of what God is each and everyday to you. For He is an amazing God.

In a Dark, Cold and Lifeless World

I sat and wondered
What am I supposed to do?
In a dark and oh so cold world
The beast of darkness surrounds
Tormenting those I found untouchable
Strong enough to fight him off was my very own thought
But there I was wrong

The darkness of pain
The shiver of hopelessness
The aching hearts full of chronic confusion
The world I found so perfect
Is now full of more bitterness than I expected

Yet in this world we are taught how to survive
The means of survival in a world that doesn't desire others
We are taught to fight each battle on our own
As if our human nature forces us to do so

We find ourselves walking down a path so full of destruction
Unsure of just how to get back to where we always thought we would be
Our dreams - gone
Our hopes - vanished
Our life - lifeless

So we push through each day
Unsure of finding a light at the end of the tunnel
Yet knowing it's somehow supposed to exist
In our dark, cold and lifeless world

Silent tears and unanswered prayers
Questions without answers
Hearts breaking in two and then four

When will we see we aren't supposed to do this alone?
When will our world find we are supposed to be a team?
There to encourage, there to love, there to walk with
When will our world find that weakness is not a bad thing?
And frankly admitting to it is a step to a better tomorrow

But in this dark and oh so cold world, can we find that hope?
Can we walk together and find this is not all that it has to be?
Can we find that a better tomorrow is coming?
Can we press on? Form a team? Make it through?
Or must we fight alone
In this dark, cold and lifeless world

*CopyWrongDecember2009

A couple weeks ago I was up at a retreat with my church. The speaker gave this analogy:

The Christian walk is like 3 people. One representing the body, one the soul and one the spirit. When we become a Christian and accept Christ into our lives, He comes to link on to our Spirit. However, we need to work at changing the soul, for it does not just change automatically. When the spirit and soul both change then the body will as well.

Now, if that just went over a couple heads, let me re-explain what he was talking about. Many expect that as soon as they accept Christ into their life it is supposed to change. They are just supposed to all of a sudden become a “good little Christian”. However, from that standpoint, that is not a true statement. When a man becomes a Christian, God enters into their life and links on to their spirit. However, a soul does not change on its own. It takes time.

After sinning for so many years, no matter if it was short or a longer amount of time, the body, brain and heart become so used to sinning. They begin to think it’s normal to sin. Our brains learn how to justify a sin in our thinking. Therefore, we must make a deliberate decision to change. It is not automatic. We can find hope though in the fact that Christ’s death on the cross was enough to overcome sin. We are able to defeat sin and we don’t have to fight it alone.

Someone said to me once, “if you are fighting sin, that is in a way a good thing.” I looked at him for a moment, as if waiting knowing that what he just said couldn’t be the only thing he would tell us. He then went on to say, “It’s a good thing in the sense that it means you haven’t given up fighting sin.” There is almost a sense of goodness in fighting a sin, because it means we are fighting. We are always going to be fighting sin or be consumed by sin, but fighting the sin and desiring to get it out of our life is so much better than doing nothing about it.

In other words, becoming a Christian does not change everything in your life. Becoming a Christian won’t make your life perfect. The more time we as Christians spend getting to know God and working at battling that sin, the less it will get in our way. It’s also important to remember that we are not called to fight alone. We have God on our side, fighting with us, and with God on our side, nothing is impossible.

Worrying = Praying

As I got to thinking tonight, I could not get a dear friend of my off my mind. For those of you who know me, you know when I care about someone, I care about them a whole lot. It’s come to a point where no matter what they have done to me, I still care about them and love them (whether or not this is a good thing).

A friend of mine, whom I sure wouldn’t even call me a friend, and I used to be great friends. Then things started to fall apart in our relationship. We started to get into fights over stupid things, and our relationship slowly faded (yes, I know, bad example of a Christian, but hey, nobody’s perfect). After we stopped talking, do to business and disagreements, I found out from a mutual friend about some things going on in her life. I watched as I saw her life fall apart, and her smiles started fading.

She was so out of reach and I felt completely helpless. So, I started a mission with myself. I often saw her walking down the street and often times she looked completely down and depressed. Whenever I would see her, I would pray for her and as I drove by, I would smile at her. Most of the time, she would simply look right past me and ignore it and look down, or stare at me with painful eyes, as though she was begging for help, but was so out of my reach.

About two months ago, I was driving down the road, and I saw her walking. I smiled real big at her and made eye contact and to my complete surprise, she smiled back! I was shocked and blown away with the fact that she smiled back. But yet, I still see the pain in her eyes, and the way she has decided to take her life and it kills me to watch this.

Long story short, as I sat here tonight worrying about all that was going on with her and what she doing with her life, I was reminded of the power of prayer. This is totally and completely out of my reach, but yet I serve an amazing God who is listening to everything I am saying and is in control of everything that’s going on. He knows what’s going on in her life better than I do by all means.

So I’ve made a commitment to myself to make sure to pray for her often. Although I may not be able to talk to her or connect with her, I can pray for her. Pray that God would open her eyes and that she would be able to see just who He is in the midst of whatever is going on with her right now. And now as I realize all of this is completely out of my reach, I am leaving it in the care and keeping of God. I know He’ll take care of her.

Joni Camp Lessons!

On Tuesday evening, I returned from a wonderful five days at Joni and Friends family retreat. What an interesting and amazing experience all at one time. There are many things that stood out to me and that were learned, but one comes to mind to share with you today.

I have been thinking a lot recently about the “rules” of being a Christian that are so often laid out. I feel like so much of the time there are so many different churches and different people telling you that this or that is wrong with no Biblical back up. They tell you to dress up for church, they tell you to not say a certain thing because it’s considered “swearing”, they tell you to dress a certain way, they tell you not to listen to a certain song, they tell you only to say certain things and be certain people, but why? Often times I find that these rules just set up walls and block people out. When we set up rules, one person’s rules clash with another causing conflict, but yet Christ calls us to love and love deeply each another. How does that all work out?

One of these things I have been thinking about a lot is the way we are taught to worship. For one, they always tell you to stand up, as if standing is going to do anything. They then tell you to close your eyes or raise your hands in worship to God, to reach out and touch God. They tell you that we can only worship through a certain kind of music, through a hymn or just only certain music types. You are to stand still and to not look around, and if you do you are greatly looked upon for doing so. But why is all of this so?

While being at Joni Camp, I began to see worship in a totally different way. Not everyone stood up to sing. In fact, often times people didn’t stand, some weren’t able to stand and others didn’t want to block the view of those who weren’t able to stand. Not everyone would say the right words and sing on tune. In fact, some would sing way off key and some wouldn’t even sing at all. And there were even those who couldn’t even speak a word that would smile and raise their hands in worship.

Worship wasn’t made for a certain aspect and to be done in only one certain way. It was made to be done in each person’s own way. With or without words, with or without standing, with or without eyes shut and hands raised, with or without being in tune, with or without movement. God doesn’t set a standard for worship in the Bible and we aren’t only called to do it in one specific way. I was once again reminded that I can’t just do things a specific way all the time, and that sometimes there is room to let loose and just be my own person and for you be your own person. After all, isn’t it God who made you with your own specific desires and ways to worship? And if that’s true, wouldn’t it make Him all the more excited to see you worshipping with the gifts, talents and desires that He made you with? Just a thought for today.

Sin

What is sin? Often times the word sin is thrown around and talked about, but what does it really mean? And if it really means something, is it important? And if it’s important, what should we do about it? And if then, what causes sin in our daily life? Well, to me sin is a very important thing to fully understand. But, let’s start off on the right foot. What really is sin? The definition I will be using for sin is one that I got from my Bible teacher in 8th grade. The way he described sin is “the degodding of God.” I one hundred percent agree with that definition. I would like to explain it a little more though.

Here are a few ways that I would like to try and explain sin to you.

1. Sin is when we stop depending on God for FULL support and start depending on ourselves. We don’t trust that God will provide for us or we don’t want God to provide for us and we would rather provide for ourselves, so we quickly replace God’s provision with our own. However, we constantly fail.

2. Sin is when we stop leaving God at the top and try and bring ourselves there. God has created us as humans to be FULLY dependent on Him. However, when we sin, we take matters into our own hands and try to figure it all out for ourselves, replacing the slot where God was before.

3. There are many things that God does for us and when we try to take that place we fail. God provides, decides right from wrong and takes care of us. However, because we are human, we cannot do any of this in full capacity

Therefore, for the above reasons, I am going to use my definition of sin. The more you look into it, the more you will see the truth behind the matter. Sin is whenever we take God out of His rightful place and put ourselves or some other sin there. I know I have heard the argument many times that God just gives us a list of rules that we are to follow. However, when we take a closer look into these rules, we can often find that many of them are for our own safety or our own well being.

The thought that has been crossing my mind a lot recently is how all of our sin is a selfish desire. Our world is corrupt and broken world and it’s because of many of our own selfish desires. I believe that sin and selfish desires are connected very closely. I believe that much of the brokenness in our world is due to the fact of our own selfishness. Look around you and you’ll begin to see too. People are selfish in more ways than one. I don’t want to be mean and say that everyone is selfish, because I have actually met some people who are very selfless, but from time to time, I think everyone has their moments of selfishness.

It breaks my heart to think about that, because it should not be. When we are Christians, we are called to follow Christ with our whole life and when we are walking around being selfish and sinful, what kind of example is that to those who have not met the amazing Creator? What example are we leaving for them? According to many studies done, there are many reasons people don’t like Christians. Here are a couple common reasons: because we are hypocritical, because we enforce our religion on people and don’t give a care about they have to say, and much more. (I had a list of them, but I can’t find it anymore, please let me know if you know what I’m talking about.)

I believe that sin is very important and it’s an easy trap to fall into. It ranges from many different things and we need to pay attention to it. In Hebrews 12:1, it says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off EVERYTHING THAT HINDERS and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance, the race marked out for us.” We are being called to throw off everything that hinders and entangles us and run forward. But the thing is, sin is so addicting, and I can speak for myself from experience, but also from stories of others, but the Lord is faithful to those who desire to remove sin from their lives. They can be simple things like lying, hating people, to deep and harder things like strong addictions, but God wants us to get away from them, and best of all, He’s so ready and willing to help us with that.

He loves us so much and longs for us to simply depend on Him for everything and anything that is going on in our lives right now. There is a lot of sin out there that can take hold and grab onto us and it can bring us down and stop us from being a wonderful example for the Lord, but with His strength, we can come out of it. We will never be perfect, in fact, we are very far from it, but when we throw out the sin we see in our lives, it lets God work more openly on us, and lets us be a better example to those around us. So, what do you say? Are you willing to lay down whatever sin you are struggling with? Whether or not the answer is yes, when we are God is ready and willing. And maybe we ought to aim for the goal of being a good example for Christ, to change the minds of those who hate Christians and see no reason for us to believe what we believe. Maybe we are the ones who are being called right here and right now to change and then be that example to all of those around us…start changing the world, one step at a time.

Coming Home From Costa Rica

Coming back, there is so much to think about. As I came home yesterday on the plane, I really did see the change there is between here and there. So much is different. We really do have so much more than them, and so much of it is just a big distraction from who God really is. When I was there, I saw God in the smiles of the people, in the beauty of nature, in the thunder and in the lightning, in the rainfall, and in the sunsets and sunrises and so much more. There was so much during my trip that made God so evident in what He was doing. I couldn’t begin to tell you how much we have.

I have always heard people talk about this kind of stuff when they came home, but I never really took it seriously, but looking at it, there really is so much more that we have that so many people don’t. But is it really of any good? I mean, yes, it’s great that we are so blessed by having so much, but is it really any good to us? When I was in Costa Rica, there really was never a time when I missed anything here. I mean, sure I didn’t really love the fact that we had cold showers every morning, or that we had to throw our toilet paper away instead of flushing it. I mean yes, I didn’t really like it at first, but, there is so much more to the people down there. They are full of so much love and God is present in a million and one different ways.

I don’t understand how our world can be so different when I only spent 5 hours on a plane to get there. I’m not really sure what to think. I learned so much during the trip. One of my main things I learned was about the many parts of the body. There really are so many jobs that the body has and must do. In our team, I really saw so many different parts of the body. Without each one we wouldn’t have been able to do the many things that we were able to do. We had all of the many people who could make us laugh till our stomach’s hurt, but to contrast, we had the people who really wanted to run after the Word, and were serious about what they were doing. We had the mixture of people who could speak Spanish in their sleep and the others who struggled to even get a few words in Spanish out. We had people who wanted to lead, people to follow, people to sing, and people to play guitar, people to listen and people to talk. We had people full of energy and others quiet and watching. Although there was so much to us, we all formed one perfect body.

Our group leader, Mr. Stoner was talking about on Sunday night (the day before we left) that when we go home, things are probably going to be the same as when we left. People here aren’t going to have changed and they aren’t going to be able to understand the things that you went through, because they weren’t there to experience it. At first, I didn’t think that was true, but now I see just how true it is. When I came home, I didn’t feel anything. I felt the same way I did when I left. Nothing had changed. None of the people here had gone through a dramatic change in their life, like I had watched time and time again in Costa Rica. I saw and even began to feel many of the same pain I had felt the day I left, and many of the same emotions, but yet I was changed.

Honestly, when I was down in Costa Rica, I didn’t feel like anything had changed at all. I felt as through what went on was nothing, but when I came home, I saw that I was wrong. God had opened my heart and given me a passion to love the people down in Costa Rica. Maybe I couldn’t take away the pain they felt, and maybe I couldn’t give them all the attention that I knew they needed, but I could give them Jesus. I could share with them, even if it was only for a brief moment the love of Jesus and who He was. I could share with them what He had done in me, and they could see who He was and some of the many things He could do, in a life that allows Him to live and dwell.

The way they would stop and watch when we came into a room is still vivid in my mind. The way they wanted to be with us, and wanted to make us feel at home. The way they desired to hear each word we spoke, and the passion they had for the love of God. But coming home, people aren’t like that. People don’t have a huge passion for the love of God, or desire to know Him, or any of that. They don’t know who God is, and they don’t see Him.

When I came home and sat down to think, I realized that I didn’t want to let this just be another thing I let float away and pretend nothing happened. I am trying so hard to cling to all that happened, and all of the joy that was so present in Costa Rica. Not only that, but also the passion that I felt and all of the love and energy I felt for the Gospel, and how I had no fear about anything that I was going to say. It all was something that I want to continue, bu I’m not sure how.

I saw God work in amazing ways down in Costa Rica, and I felt closer than I have in a long time with all of the amazing people that were around me, and loving and supporting me. I felt as though I finally had that place where I belonged and it was all right, and perfect. However, back here, there is so much distraction that begs to in my way, but I don’t want to let it. I want to chase after God and only God and not let any of life get in my way. I want to know God more and more and not let Costa Rica be where I just leave all I learned behind and move on, but I want to continue to grow and serve God.

But how?

"Is it really that God won't listen or that we are only looking for our OWN answers?"

I have been thinking about that a lot. It's all around me. In a lot of the Christian music that I listen to, there are so many lines about, God listening, whether it be, "God are you listening?" or "God can You hear me?" and the list goes on. I never noticed it before. Even before, I had found comfort in such verses, that others were doubting God really listening as well.

Then it hit me. It all came to me in a brief moment. So, what if it really isn't that God's not listening, then what is it?

Well, first of all, I would like to share with you my reasoning that God does listen to us, as Christians, when call out.

One first example, I would like to share with you is in the Old Testament. There are many times that God had conversations with people. First it starts off with Adam and Eve in the garden. He had a meeting with them daily. Another time is in Exodus 6 before and following. Moses has many conversations with God, and God is listening and even speaking back. But really, that was the Old Testament, you may be thinking, and you are right, but here is another example from the new testament, in Matthew 26:42, you hear about Jesus going out in the garden alone to pray. "He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."" And there are many more examples through the Bible of God speaking to other people. And in order to speak back to these people, He must have heard them.

John wrote in 1 John (I think it was John at least) about God hearing us as well, it reads in 1 John 5:14-15, "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him." I think the key word in that verse is according.

I think that so often, we as humans only ask God for something and expect one answers back. What's that answer? It's what we want. Often, in fact too often, I think that we look only for our answers instead of looking at what God could have answers for. We often get so caught up in our own world, that we miss out on God's answers. In 1 Kings, it addresses this matter, in a bold way. (I think at least) "Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." (19:11-12) I think so often, we look out only for our own answers and what we want, but miss out on what God really wants.

In 1 John, he says God does what is "according to HIS will" and I think that is so important to focus on. I don't think we can look at a situation and only look for our will.

To answer my original question, I think that yes, as humans we look so often at just the answers that we want. Like if we are trying to decide where to go to college, we will only look for the options that we want, but won't look at what God wants, but only focus on Him answering the right way. (that was a really bad example, but I hope you know what I mean) I think that sometimes God answers our prayers in the most wonderful and amazing ways, but so often we think He's not listening because we don't see the change that we want, when really all along, God was simply working out His own plan, instead of ours.

Jeremiah 29:11 ~ "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."